Sneezes and SuperSpeed
by ShadowSong StarGlaive The Wolf
Summary: OneShot. Pietro has a cold and a problem everytime he sneezes, his superspeed acts up. Adding that with a misheard comment, a car pileup and confusion with the XMen... it's not Pietro's day.


A/N My second Evo fic! Aren't you proud of me?

:crickets chirping:

Ah hush, ya'll.

Okay, so I read a story on Magneto getting a cold (forgot who wrote it, but just look up the summary and read it). I think it'd be funny if Pietro got a cold. It's set when Tabby was still in the Brotherhood. Have fun!

(Sneezes and Superspeed)

The breezes filtered in through the window of Pietro Maximoff's room, and the delicate scent of flowers and dirt filled the room and his nose.

Well, it would have, if he could smell anything.

"I hate this," muttered Pietro, nasal and sick-sounding. "I swear one of those X-Geeks gave this to me!"

"Sure, blame it on them," said Pietro's housemate, Lance, from the door. "Still sick?"

"No, it DIED overnight," snapped Pietro, rubbing at his nose. "This is ruining my perfection and beauty!"

"Is Speedy still sick?" asked Tabby, walking in to the room, brushing her blond hair and applying makeup at the same time. "Wow, it's been a week now. So you're not going to school?"

"The only reason I would go is to give those X-Geeks this cold," moaned Pietro. "If I sneeze one more time-"

ACHOOBANG!

"I HATE THIS!" screamed Pietro, crumpled under the wreckage of the wall that had already been broken and haphazardly repaired. "Why does my superspeed activate every time I sneeze!"

"Hey, it's just a side effect," shrugged Lance, looking over his shoulder. "Okay, it's Todd's turn to stay home today with you. Besides, I get headaches all the time from my powers and I don't complain nearly as much as you have."

"You will all suffer for this," growled Pietro. "Mark my words!"

"What? Pietro's still sick?" asked Fred, popping his head through the doorframe. Literally.

"Is this a running gag or something?" yelled Pietro. "I think we've established that I'm sick!"

"Well there's no need to yell," reprimanded Fred. "When's breakfast?"

"We're out of food again," called Todd's voice from downstairs.

"I knew we shouldn't have done that marshmallow spread and lawn chair experiment," frowned Tabby. "I think that was the last of our food."

"Yeah, and that lawn chair looked good too," muttered Fred.

"You will eat just about anything, won't you?" Lance asked Fred, looking at him.

"About," shrugged Fred, taking down half the wall with him.

"Do you WANT to leave my room wall-less?" snapped Pietro.

"Hey, it's not my fault my mutation makes me big," said Freddy, defending himself.

"Yeah well- ACHOO!"

"There goes another wall," remarked Tabby.

o000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000o

A deep and philosophical discussion was going on in the living room of the Brotherhood house, and both parties felt deeply about the subject at hand.

"For the last time, Cruella Devil does not work for the government!" snapped Todd. "It's obvious that she runs her own puppy-skin mill!"

"Yeah right," scoffed Pietro. "And I'm Scott Summers."

"Look, all I'm saying is that is-" but before Todd could finish, Pietro sneezed again and was blown out the window, landing in the street in the middle of a traffic jam.

"How the heck is there a traffic jam in the middle of the day?" screamed Pietro, wedged between a Jeep and a Porsche. "Hey, those are some nice hubcaps."

"Oh crud…" muttered Todd, jumping through the wrecked window and attempting the drag the sick Pietro out of the mess of cars. "Why didn't this happen to Fred yesterday when he was on Sick Duty?"

(At school)

Lance and Tabby all clustered Fred's locker, where they discussed the current situation at the Brotherhood boarding house.

"Yeah, he's been sick for a week and we can't afford medicine," said Tabby. "I mean, I feel bad."

"Um, why are you guys at my locker?" asked Fred, lumbering up to them.

"We're talking about Speedy and his problem," said Lance, not noticing that Evan was at his locker nearby and was listening in. Tabby didn't notice either.

"Yeah, if you weren't there yesterday, Fred, Pietro might've killed himself," sighed Tabby, referring to the incident where Pietro went flying after a sneeze and nearly landed on the neighbor's roof.

"And that knife incident… Seriously!" groaned Fred, thinking about how Pietro tried using his superspeed at dinner and nearly stuck the knife up his nose.

"Well, we just gotta watch him," said Lance. "Crud, the bell's going to ring soon. Later." He left for French as Tabby and Fred split up.

Even stood there in horror/glee. "I don't believe it!" He grabbed the nearest X-Man walking by, Kitty Pryde. "Did you hear? Pietro's trying to commit suicide!"

Kitty gasped. "No way!" She ran down the hall to Rogue, who was checking her makeup in the mirror of her locker. "You know Quicksilver? He tried to kill himself yesterday and the rest of the Brotherhood stopped him!"

"Say what?" said Scott and Kurt, who were walking to Geometry together.

"Pietro tried to kill himself!" said Rogue, astonished. "I thought he loved himself too much to do that!"

"Wow… shouldn't we tell the Professor? Maybe we can help him," said Kurt.

"You want him to stay alive?" asked Scott, just as Jean walked up.

"Who to stay alive?" she asked, suspicious immediately.

"You have to hear this…" started Kitty.

o00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000o

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Todd, now trapped between a Volvo and a limo.

"ACHOO!" sneezed Pietro, and zipped through several cars, knocking off some mirrors and radio antennas. "I HATE MY LIFE!"

o000000000000000000000000000000000000000000o

After school, the Brotherhood that attended school that day were walking home, almost there, when they were approached by several of the X-Men and the adults that were at the Institute.

"What is this?" snapped Tabby, looking at the X-Men.

"Lance," said Xavier, rolling forward in his wheelchair. "We heard some things about Pietro. We can help him through this difficult time."

"It's nothing Professor," said Lance, clearly confused. "I mean, Tabby went through the same thing last month."

"And what fun that was," grumbled, remembering the few days when she had that cold that whenever she coughed, a time bomb came out of her mouth. She had to steal new clothes because all her old ones she tried to wear had burn marks and holes in them.

"Tabby? You?" asked Kurt, astonished.

"What? It's not like it doesn't happen to everybody!" she snapped. "Come on, I'm sure you were like that too!"

"Me?" he asked, stepping back.

"Well maybe his fur makes a difference," mused Fred.

"Yeah, maybe," thought Tabby, thinking on this.

"Whatever is going on with Pietro, I'm sure we can help him," spoke Storm, calm as ever.

"Look, you really don't need to. We've dealt with this before," said Lance, trying to explain.

"Before?" asked Xavier.

"Yeah… I heard it happened a lot in his childhood," said Lance, shrugging. "So really, it's nothing."

"Suicide is not nothing!" said Xavier.

"What?" snapped Tabby, shocked. "Where did that come from?"

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Todd from the pile-up of cars about twenty feet away. "WHATEVER I DID GOD I SWEAR I CAN RIGHT IT! JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS MESS!"

"I hate my life!" screamed Pietro, sneezing against and flying over several cars.

"What the…" blinked Kurt.

"I'm impressed," whistled Rogue from behind the Professor. "That must've been twenty feet."

"I say fifteen," piped up Kitty, next to her.

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!" screamed Lance, stomping over to the mess of cars, yanking out Todd, dragging him over to the house, then picking up and dragged out Pietro from a line of cars. "I LEAVE FOR SCHOOL AND YOU GUYS GET IN THE MIDDLE OF A CAR WRECK!"

"Lookit all the purple stars," murmured Todd to himself.

"Wait… what were you guys talking about?" asked Evan, confused.

"Every time Speedy sneezes, his superspeed gets activated," explained Tabby. "And it makes being sick hard for him, believe me. I had problems like that when I was sick too."

"So there was no suicide?" asked Scott, somewhat let down.

"No," frowned Fred.

"A-CHOOO!"

"That gonna leave a mark," commented Kurt.

(End Story)

A/N Well that was fun. xD


End file.
